Barong: A Stray, A Lesson

Disclaimer:

Writing is one of my therapy journeys, and writing this now is one of the best ways to face and deal with the grief I’ve been carrying for more than a decade. If you’re mentally unstable, I encourage you to seek professional help rather than keep reading this.

Even though I’ve been doing therapy for more than fourteen years, doing shadow work for more than four and a half years, and dedicating my life to learning, not only about the world, but also about myself, there are days when I feel like everything has been in vain. Days when I just want to give up, yet still don’t know how to do it.

Last Friday morning, I finally pushed myself to get out of my room and tried to get back on track, back on the roadwork that had been stopped for the last 3.5 weeks. The sun was already quite high when I started my morning run. It felt so good running under the sun again, until I found him, on the left side of the street, near Cinta Street towards Tegallalang, just a few minutes from my place.

He didn’t move at all until I squatted beside him. At first, I thought he was a girl cat. I talked to him, and he slowly moved his head toward my feet, meowing weakly.

My heart was racing. This badly injured cat was still alive, still trying so hard to lift his body. He was wobbly, couldn’t stand on his feet at all, and kept trying to snuggle his head to my leg. I asked him to wait for me, I’d find a bag to bring him home with me. I didn’t think at all when I said that. I knew I had to take him with me because no one was paying attention to this cat at all.

While I ran to the nearest mini market to buy a bag, I remembered those days when I used to live on the street. Blok M underground. Martha Tiahahu Park. Sixth lane Blok M Station. I swear to God, I could smell that particular air from those places while I was standing at the cashier, waiting for her to calculate what I’d bought. My head was pounding, my chest hurt, and I was about to have a panic attack, but thankfully, I managed to get a grip before it happened.

I took the badly injured cat home with me and started texting my usual vet, checking when I could bring him in for a thorough check-up. I bathed him and fed him. He ate a little, very slowly, but drank a lot, and quite fast, so I thought he might have been dehydrated for I don’t know how long.

When the vet confirmed I could bring him right away, I took him there. It turned out he was a boy cat, maybe around 1.5 years old. The doctor, Dr. Diah at Yuno Vet Ubud, and I named him Barong. I don’t know why, I just said it quickly when she asked what his name should be.

“Barong. His name is Barong.”

I decided to hospitalize Barong under Dr. Diah and the Yuno Vet team’s care.

On the second day, Dr. Diah diagnosed Barong with regenerative anemia and thrombocytopenia, with a suspected blood parasite possibly triggered by traumatic organ injuries. When I visited Barong and had a fairly long discussion with the doctors, yes, Barong was handled by several doctors, two of them seniors; it turned out his condition was very critical, with a low chance of survival.

The doctors assumed Barong might have been a hit-and-run victim. There was also a possibility he’d been dragged, because they found very strange sounds in his thorax and belly. It got worse when they discovered burn traces on his fur, too. The doctors decided not to proceed with an X-ray for now and prioritized stabilizing his condition over the next few days.

Before I went home that second day, I told Barong it was okay if he couldn’t take the pain anymore. He didn’t owe me anything. I could see how hard he was trying to interact with me, with the doctors, to lift his body, but he was too weak. All he could do was lie there, breathing very slowly.

I said to him, “If you feel like you can’t take this pain anymore, just let go. I understand. You’ve been strong long enough. It’s okay if you want to stop now. I can’t promise I’ll be okay if you don’t survive this, but I promise I’ll understand. I’m sorry if I was too late to find you. But I know you know, me and all the doctors here will try our best so you can get through this, yeah?” Barong meowed weakly.

I went home, hugged my cat Bella tightly, and told her everything about Barong.

The way God showed me a badly injured yet still alive cat on the side of the road, on the same day I had decided I wanted to end my life, is beyond my understanding and comprehension. I sobbed into my pillow until I fell asleep.

The next morning, I decided to stay home and decompress. Then I received good news from the clinic: Barong’s condition was relatively stable and showing progress. We were all hoping he could survive this. I even asked Bella for permission, maybe Barong could stay with us, so she’d have a friend. Bella didn’t meow. She just purred and kept blinking her eyes. I don’t fully understand those signs. I just felt I needed to ask her first.

Earlier this morning, I received more good news and told the clinic staff I’d visit Barong after work. I couldn’t wait to see him, maybe play a bit with him if he could move more than yesterday.

When I arrived at the clinic, Dr. Arya, Bella’s doctor, was at the reception. He broke the news to me. He looked devastated. I could still see traces of tears on his face. His hands were trembling as he explained everything.

We had decided to do an X-ray today. Earlier that morning, Barong had been quite active. He finished his food and water. Dr. Arya and his team went to prepare the X-ray, and when they came back, Barong was no longer moving.

I broke down. I sobbed. I couldn’t see straight.

Dr. Arya held my hands for a while and told me this was only his second sudden death during his practice at Yuno Vet, and it still broke his heart. Especially because Barong’s condition had been quite steady and showing good progress, we had all hoped he could survive.

He explained that sudden death could happen due to hypoxia, considering Barong’s severe anemia and thrombocytopenia. So yes… we knew this might come sooner or later.

I thanked Dr. Arya, Dr. Diah, and the entire Yuno Vet team for taking such good care of Barong. All of us did our limited best as humans. The rest, we entrusted to God and higher beings.

I rode my scooter home on autopilot. I don’t remember how I arrived safely. I even stopped by my usual pet shop to buy Bella’s food and asked Bibi to help carry it to my room.

When I saw Bella waiting for me, I broke down again. I hugged her. Sobbed. She licked the tears from my face.

I’m writing this now, sitting in front of the rice field. The sky is getting dark. Lights from nearby resorts are turning on. I can still see birds flying and a few squirrels climbing the coconut tree in front of my window.

I’m fully aware that I am blessed. That I live a relatively privileged life, some of those privileges built from the ground up, not given. Barong didn’t have that. And so many people don’t.

So this is the lesson I have to learn right now. A harsh, bitter lesson. One that has to be learned the hard way. I accept it. I acknowledge it.

Thank you for reminding me how brave you were, even while struggling, Barong. I won’t take my life for granted. And I won’t forget you.

Ubud, 2 February 2026

Dedicated to Barong, my little strong stray cat from Cinta Street.