STFU, Both of You
Photo owned by Vincent M.A Janssen on Pexels September is Suicide Prevention Month . Ironically, since the beginning of this month, I've been preventing myself at least twice a day from pulling the final plug on this temporary vessel of mine, with whatever I have here to do it. I sit down with myself longer than usual, listening to the noise inside my head religiously, trying so hard to calm it down, and not doing anything stupider than I ever have in the past twenty years. But for the love of my fathers' graves, this month has been strangely harder than any other. I'm not sure why. I'm still trying to rationalize it, but I can't find a single reason. I did everything I could and revisited every method from my psychologist and psychiatrist. Hell, I even took my old meds again for three days in a row so I could get a proper sleep, because I've been scared to get it. Too many noises, too many things I overthink, put me right into endless rumination. I fucking hate...
