What Emotional Regulation Actually Looks Like in Daily Life
For a long time, I thought emotional regulation meant being calm. Not reacting. Not snapping. Not feeling overwhelmed. Staying composed, steady, controlled. That image is everywhere, even when people don’t say it out loud. What I learned, slowly, and mostly through getting it wrong, is that regulation rarely looks calm. Most of the time, it looks unremarkable. Boring, even. And it often shows up in decisions that don’t feel impressive at all. That realization changed how I understood my own progress. The Problem With How Regulation Is Usually Described Emotional regulation is often framed as an internal state. Something you either have or don’t have. You’re regulated, or you’re not. In real life, that framing doesn’t hold. Regulation is not a permanent condition. It’s a process , and it shows up in behavior long before it shows up in feeling. Waiting to feel regulated before you act differently is usually how people stay stuck. I didn’t become regulated by feeling better first. ...
